


We'll Make It Through

by MarriedPhan1234



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Awkward First Times, Happy Ending, Homeschooled!Phan au, Homophobia, Innocent!Phan, M/M, Religion, Riding, Smut, Virginity, mentions of abuse, safe sex, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:46:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarriedPhan1234/pseuds/MarriedPhan1234
Summary: Excerpt: “Dan, who do you think you'll marry when you're all grown up?”Dan tilted his head and thought hard. He knew marriage was a big deal and that whoever you chose to marry, you would be with them for the rest of your lives. He would want someone he got along with, someone that was fun and that he wouldn't feel yucky holding hands with. The longer he thought about it, the more obvious it became. “I think I'll marry Phil,” he said matter-of-factly.“Daniel, you can't marry another boy! That's wrong, it's a sin..."A Homeschooled!Phan au where the boys must accept the fact that sometimes parents are just wrong. This story follows them through the years as they deal with abuse, strict parents and church community, and through university. Will they make it through so that they can finally be together?





	We'll Make It Through

**Author's Note:**

> Will they make it through so that they can finally be together?   
> (Spoiler Alert: YES! Cause I hate a sad ending.)  
> I hope you enjoy this fic that I've been working on for a while! I know that England doesn't really have a whole lot of the Evangelical Christian scene, but I was inspired so just go with it. Let me know what you think! (in the nicest way possible!) Thank you!

Age 7  
Molly Howell was sat at the edge of the field with a few other ladies watching their children play. They met at the church once a week to have lessons and let their children socialize, as they were all home-schooled. Molly watched as her 7-year-old son, Dan, squealed with delight as he was chased around the perimeter of the field.  
“Anne, do you think that my Dan and your Sarah would make a good match?” Molly asked with a smile.  
Anne shuffled her feet and straightened her ankle-length skirt before speaking. “I always pictured him with little Marjorie,” she said, gesturing to a little girl at the edge of the field picking flowers.  
Molly looked back over to see Dan making his way toward the group of mothers. “Well, why don't we just see what he thinks?” she asked mischievously. It was all rhetorical, all in good fun, and she didn't see the harm in playing matchmaker. Dan was panting as he walked up to Molly and took a long drink from her glass of water. When he placed it back down, she asked him, “Dan, who do you think you'll marry when you're all grown up?”  
Dan tilted his head and thought hard. He knew marriage was a big deal and that whoever you chose to marry, you would be with them for the rest of your lives. He would want someone he got along with, someone that was fun and that he wouldn't feel yucky holding hands with. The longer he thought about it, the more obvious it became. “I think I'll marry Phil,” he said matter-of-factly.  
Each of them gasped, some covering their mouths with their hands. Molly gaped at her son and grabbed his wrist. “Daniel, you can't marry another boy! That's wrong, it's a sin, it's- it's downright disgusting and blasphemous!” Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was so ashamed. How could her own son say such a thing in front of all of her friends? What must they think of her now?  
Dan's eyes were wide and terrified. He didn't know it was so horrible for two boys to get married. He felt tears welling up in his eyes and his throat was burning with fear. “I'm sorry, I didn't know! I won't marry Phil! I promise, mummy!” He let his tears fall freely, a new fear surging its way through his small being. “I didn't know it was a sin! Will I still go to Heaven if I didn't know?”   
Molly stood and started dragging Dan along behind her. “There's only one way to know for sure. We're going to pray those evil thoughts out of you, Daniel.” Once they were out of earshot, she leaned down to Dan's level and told him sternly, “Your father must never hear of this, do you understand? Not ever.” She was trembling as she spoke.  
Dan nodded his head in earnest as they dropped to their knees at the alter in the sanctuary.   
**  
Age 15  
Phil rested his head back against his pillows and clutched the crumpled piece of notebook paper to his chest. He closed his eyes tight and willed himself not to cry. He only got to see Dan twice a week, and only spoke to him during the lunch break between lessons, so letters were their main form of communication, and this one was terrible. He knew something was wrong immediately upon seeing Dan limping into the lesson, wincing as he sat in his desk, his left eye bruised and swollen. But he had to wait. There could be no interruptions during lessons. So Phil waited until lunch break, where Dan refused to speak, only slipped Phil the letter under the table so that no one else would see before tucking into his food.   
The letter felt like it was burning a hole into his pocket the entire day, until finally after returning home, finishing chores, having dinner with his family and then cleaning up after, he was allowed to retreat to his bedroom and read the letter. And his heart broke.  
Dan had been beaten, his Dan had been bloodied and broken by his father all for being caught with a Harry Potter book. Phil had told him not to read them, not when he knew Dan's parents did a nightly search of his room, but did Dan ever listen to Phil? Nope. And he hated it, because there was nothing he could do for Dan, and really there was nothing Dan could do either except to yield to his parents wishes. But he was just so stubborn.  
Phil folded the letter back up and walked over to the loose floorboard where he kept all of Dan's letters. His own parents checked his room weekly, as they were a tad bit more lenient than the Howells, but he knew that they would never tolerate his feelings toward Dan. He lifted the board and took out one from just a few weeks ago, his favorite letter. Dan had written him a full page and a half detailing just how much he loved Phil and his hopes and dreams for the future. He had stated that it was probably unrealistic, but that he could dream nonetheless. Phil read over the closing statement, trying to go back to that wonderful day where they dreamed wild dreams and made grand plans of just being together.  
I'll always love you, my Lion. No matter what.  
-Dan  
Phil felt a tear make its way down his cheek, but didn't hear the footsteps on the other side of his door. A rush of air sent the letter flying across the room and Phil scrambled to catch it, as well as hide his secret hiding spot. His older brother Martyn was standing before him with raised eyebrows. Phil scrubbed the tears from his face, and stood in front of him with his head bowed in shame. He knew better than to keep his letters out during the day when he could be caught by any member of his family. He just hoped his punishment wouldn't last too long.  
“Martyn, I can explain,” he started, his whole body trembling in fear of what was to come.  
“Are those letters from Dan?” Martyn asked, his tone much more gentle than Phil was expecting.  
“N-no. I mean… well, yes, but-” he wanted to lie, to deny it, but he simply couldn't. His brain had been wired to confess every single thing that he ever did in secrecy and he couldn't decide on which action to take now.  
“You can tell me, little brother. You know you can trust me.” Martyn pushed the door slowly closed and stepped toward Phil. But could Phil actually trust him? Yes, Martyn knew a lot about him, and they had their own secrets, but could he be trusted with this? Surely not, surely this was too big. Everywhere he looked, someone was saying how awful the gay lifestyle was. How they were blasphemous and evil and trying to ruin the 'sanctity of marriage.' No, he couldn't tell Martyn this. No one could ever know.  
Martyn reached his hand out and placed it gently on Phil's shoulder. “Phil, please. I know so much about you that I would never tell mum and dad.” He watched Phil's face and waited for Phil to believe him and respond. When he didn't, he pressed on. “I know things that you don't think I know, Phil.” Still nothing. “I know that you touch yourself in the shower, and that you say his name while you're doing it,” he whispered.   
Phil's blood ran cold. There was no way Martyn knew that! He always tried to be quiet. He didn't even do it that often, only when it absolutely wouldn't go away. He couldn't be expected to walk around the house with an erection, for goodness sake! But still, he knew that it was a dirty thing to do. It was shameful and wrong, especially when he was thinking of another boy while doing it. A new wave of tears fell from his eyes and Martyn's hand on his shoulder suddenly felt like a hot iron burning his flesh. “Please. Please, Martyn, I'll do anything you want. Please just don't tell. They- they'll kill me, they'll kill Dan,” he pleaded.  
Martyn was taken aback. He shook his head and took his hand away from Phil's trembling frame. “No, Phil I'm not trying to blackmail you. I only said it to show that you could trust me. I promise, I would never tell anyone. I see the way you are together, and it's obvious that you love each other, at least to someone who's seen you two alone together. And if simply loving someone is wrong, then… we may as well just forget about the rest of it.”  
Phil took a ragged breath and looked up at his brother. This was too good to be true, it had to be. “You don't think that I'm… disgusting?” His lip wobbled and he wrapped his arms around his torso, trying to keep all the bits and pieces of him from shattering.  
Martyn wrapped him in a warm hug and let him cry into his chest. “No, little brother. You're not disgusting or wrong or any of those other things they say at church. People can't help who they love, simple as that.”   
And suddenly Phil felt a hundred pounds lighter. His own brother, whom he respected and looked up to more than anyone else in the world, supported him. He pulled away and wiped his face with his sleeve. “Well, I should, uh, put these letters away before mum comes up to see what the fuss is about.”  
Phil put his letters back into their spot and replaced the board. He stood and looked down to make sure that nothing was out of place that would cause suspicion about the floor boards, and just as he turned to sit on his bed with Martyn, their mother came through the door.  
“Boys, it's time for bed. Have you said your prayers?” She made her way toward them, taking in Phil's tear stained and flushed cheeks. “What's wrong, Phil? Have you been crying?” She placed a soothing hand on his cheek to take stock of his well-being.  
“I'm fine, I was just, uh-”   
“We were praying together. You know how he gets emotional during group prayer meetings,” Martyn shrugged.  
She smiled and kissed them both on the forehead. “God has truly blessed me with the world's best sons. I love you both. Now, time for bed!” And she walked out of the room and down the stairs.  
Phil let out the breath that he didn't know he had been holding and slumped back against his pillows. “Thanks. Although, I do feel bad lying. Are we really going to pray together?” he asked as Martyn stood up from his bed.  
Martyn chuckled. “I think we've all prayed enough today. And as for the lying, it gets easier with practice,” he said with a wink before shutting Phil's door behind him.   
**  
Age 18  
After the Harry Potter incident (as they had taken to referring to the severe beating Dan had received) Dan and Phil decided that their best chance was to simply wait. Once they were adults, they could move out, go to university, and do as they pleased without fear of punishment from their parents or their church. So, for the next three years, they played nice and they waited. Which was admittedly easier said than done.   
They still wrote secret letters to each other, which proved to be the only time they could truly be themselves. They told each other their deepest secrets, knowing that the other completely understood and would cast no judgment. They cherished each letter, each confession of love, every mention of how badly they simply wanted to reach out and touch each other, no matter how far from innocent the intention may be. They had barely spoken a word to each other in the last three years, but they knew each others' heart and soul better than anyone else. So they waited, reminding each other that they had all the time in the world with each other, once they were away from their parents' control.  
So, they waited. And they wrote, and they planned, and they made promises to each other that they would wait for each other, and that they wouldn't let their parents talk them into marrying some girl in the mean time.   
Finally, when it was time for university, they planned that they would coincidentally be going to the same one. Manchester University had the corresponding classes and programs that each of them held interest in, not to mention it was about a three hour drive from their home town which meant a lot of weekends spent in their dorms while their classmates were back home with their families. It was pure bliss, and even though they weren't roommates, they were still allowed so much more time together than they were used to. Dan's roommate had a girlfriend of his own, and was pretty cool and understanding of their sheltered life back home, so he offered them as much free time in their shared room as possible.   
Even with their new found freedom, they were still running scared. They spent as much time together as possible, but hardly allowed themselves more than brushing their knees together as they sat in a booth at a small cafe. They knew that they were free to do as they pleased, that there was no way either of their parents would be in Manchester, in the same cafe or book store or classroom that they were in. Logically, they knew that. But that didn't stop the fear that had been engrained into them from such a young age. Anyone and everyone was a threat that was following them just to call their parents and tattle on them.   
After two months of playing it safe, Phil asked Dan if he could take him on a proper date, to which Dan was so giddy and giggly that Phil didn't need to wait for his answer to know it was a yes. So, that Friday night, Phil dressed in his nicest clothes, bought as many roses as he could afford (three) and headed to Dan's room to pick him up. They were so happy, it felt like there was no one else in the whole world except for them. They held hands as they walked to the cafe not far from campus, where they sat in the same booth that they had shared their first tentative knee touches, this time sharing a milk shake and smitten glances. Phil insisted on paying, and then they set off to see the Manchester Eye.   
They sat as close together as possible and looked out over the city as the sun started to set. Everything was magical, the sky a watercolor painting of pinks and blues, washing everything around them in the most breathtaking light that either of them had ever seen. And as beautiful as the city below them was, nothing could compare to the look of wonderment on Dan's face as Phil took in his amazing and perfect… boyfriend. That's what they were now, officially. They were adults, and while they still had to finish uni before being completely free, they were dating now. This was it, this was everything that they had been waiting for, and suddenly Phil felt like he might cry because he was finally allowed to call this boy his.   
Phil watched as the evening sunlight turned Dan's warm chocolatey eyes into pools of amber and he let his own eyes wander over his sun kissed skin. Dan was still watching the city life below them, a small smile playing on his lips and Phil wanted to touch them. With his fingertips or with his own lips, he wasn't sure, but he wanted, no he needed to touch Dan right now. This moment was everything that Phil had been dreaming of and he knew that Dan felt the same.  
“Dan,” he whispered. It seemed appropriate in the intimacy of the moment.  
Dan turned to look at Phil, still smiling, “Yes, Phil?” he asked.   
Phil's heart was pounding in his chest. He wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, but when he slowly reached forward and rested his hand on Dan's cheek, it felt right. Everything about this felt so right. He gently ran his thumb over Dan's bottom lip and took a deep breath. “Dan, can I-” he gulped, nerves overtaking him.  
Dan closed his eyes and leaned into Phil's touch. “Please,” he whispered.  
Phil glanced down at Dan's slightly parted lips, noting how plump and pink they were. He smiled to himself and leaned in slowly, closing his eyes at the last second and feeling his lips press softly to Dan's. They both let out a sigh, not pushing the kiss any deeper, but not daring to pull away. They breathed each other in while Phil's fingers found their way to Dan's hair, just getting to know each other in this brand new way.   
When Phil finally pulled away, he felt a tear slip down his cheek despite the grin taking over his face. He wiped the tear away and took Dan's hand. “I love you so much,” he said, his chest tight with emotion and his voice wavering.  
Dan was smiling just as wide, so much that his cheeks felt like they would fall off. “I love you too, Phil.” He squeezed Phil's hand tight as the wheel started moving again, bringing them back down to Earth feeling new and excited for their future together.   
**  
Age 19  
After their magical date, things only got better for Dan and Phil. Through the rest of the semester at uni, they shared many more dates, chaste kisses, and day time cuddles, and that was enough for them. They didn't really like going to parties, and they didn't let anyone pressure them into moving faster than they were comfortable with. They were happy simply being together, and nothing was going to ruin that for them.  
Until the Winter Holiday.  
Dan and Phil went their separate ways when their parents picked them up to take them home for a few weeks. They knew it would be hard and that they would miss each other terribly, but they knew it wasn't for long. They would see each other again in a few short weeks.  
Dan's roommate had helped him to clear all of his browsing history and hide all of his photos and documents that weren't school related into password protected folders that he honestly didn't know he would remember how to reopen himself. He stealthily hid away all of the odds and ends that Phil had given to him over the past semester, deciding to leave them behind as not to risk his parents finding them. But no amount of preparation would be enough to match his mother's prying questions.  
It started out as harmless comments about how happy he seemed, which led to her asking if he had met a girl at uni, which led to endless questions about this nonexistent girl that he must be courting. Of course he denied all of her accusations, claiming that he just wasn't up to focusing on his studies as well as a girl right now, which was technically true. He wasn't up for focusing on a girl, but he was managing perfectly well to focus on his studies and Phil.   
Dan felt like he was going to explode every moment of everyday. Phil made him so happy, and on some level he did want to share that with his family, but he knew that he never could. And on New Year's Eve when he spotted Phil across the church's large banquet hall, he wanted nothing more than to kiss him as the clock struck midnight along with all the other courting couples. Instead, he just looked at his feet and allowed himself to have a moment of self pity.  
Which is why he couldn't have been happier when his mother agreed that they should take him back to school two days early 'to get him settled in before classes.' He wrote Phil a short note to let him know, and slipped it to him after Sunday services and hoped that Phil would be able to convince his parents to do the same.   
Which led to them having two whole days all to themselves in Dan's dorm room. That first day, Dan refused to be parted from Phil, cuddling close to him, pressing little kisses to his face and neck and lips every chance he got, even following him across the room to grab a drink of water. He never wanted to be apart from Phil ever again and he knew that Phil felt the same. The entire day was spent in each others' arms, whispering sweet nothings to each other simply because they could, and Dan didn't know how he had been able to stand all those years waiting for this.   
They hadn't meant to, but they fell asleep in each others' arms. They spent their first night together and in the morning when Dan awoke to sunlight shining through the window and Phil's soft snores, he knew that he couldn't go back home. Suddenly, he was dreading the Summer Holiday. If he could barely manage two weeks, how would he stand three months? His chest tightened as well as his grip in Phil's jumper, which finally woke the sleeping boy.  
Phil hugged Dan close to his chest as he stretched his muscles and yawned. “Good morning,” he muttered into Dan's curly hair.   
“Morning,” Dan whispered. He buried his nose into Phil's chest, hoping that maybe the rest of the world would fall away and leave them to cuddle in peace. He took a shaky breath, which Phil inevitably noticed. He loosened his grip on Dan's body and backed away just enough that he could look at his face, but Dan was having none of that. He held tighter and shuffled ever closer to Phil.  
“Are you alright, love? I-I should have gone back to my room last night. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Do you want me to leave?” Phil asked, his voice soft and comforting, but Dan could sense the panic underneath.   
“No, no! It's not that,” Dan assured him, and Phil finally relaxed, running his fingers through Dan's hair and settling back into their embrace. He searched Dan's face, waiting for him to continue. Dan took another deep breath, “I'm just… scared. I don't want to go a whole summer without you. What if they find out about us, and they don't let me come back to school? What if I slip up and say something stupid on accident? You know how I am, I'm terrible with secrets.”  
“Shh shh, calm down, love. Let's think rationally about this. Why are you so sure that you'll mess up?” Phil asked, carding his fingers through Dan's hair as soothingly as he could.   
Dan took yet another deep breath, although he wasn't sure any of this deep breathing was really working, and tried to speak calmly. “I just… I know that I will. I'll talk about you too much, or talk about all the time we spend together, or, I dunno. Over these last weeks they were all so sure that I had a secret girlfriend back at school, saying that I was acting too happy all the time. Acting too happy! I didn't even have to say anything this time and they still knew! Phil, I just know that something terrible will happen if I have to spend anymore time with my family.” Dan's eyes were welling up with tears, but he refused to let them fall. He closed his eyes again and let Phil massage his scalp. They had never been so close for so long, and even in his state of near panic, he was really enjoying this.   
Phil nibbled his bottom lip and thought for a moment. He knew Dan was right, they couldn't go back home and risk everything. This was too perfect to lose now that they actually had each other. He rested his hand on Dan's cheek and waited for him to open his eyes and look at him before he spoke. “You're right. Neither of us can go back home. Even my own mum asked me why I was so excited to return to school. Maybe… what if we looked at some cheap flats near campus? We could take lighter course loads next semester and get jobs, maybe even get a roommate if we have to, to help pay rent.”   
Dan looked as though he were in awe of his genius of a boyfriend. He had honestly never thought of getting a flat. “But what about our tuition? I have some scholarship money, but my parents pay the rest of mine,” he wondered aloud.  
“Uh, okay. I know you got the same speech that I did about the dangers of student loans, but… If we really are going to graduate and get jobs in our fields, then they might not be so bad. We could talk to one of the advisers or admissions counselors later today if you want. That way, if our parents do find out and decide to stop paying, we could at least have a backup plan. What do you say?” Phil asked. He knew it would be hard, and that they both would be in quite a bit of debt by the end of it all, but the more he thought about it, the better it sounded. To be completely free of their parents and their church, and all their stupid rules and punishments. To finally have a life of their own, together. It was all he could ever dream of.   
Dan had, in fact been warned about student loans and lifelong debt. He knew that his parents had been exaggerating a bit, but it did make him a bit nervous. But if their parents didn't want to pay for them anymore then they really wouldn't have much of a choice about it. “Yeah, let's see if they're in their offices later today. I think if we have a backup plan, I might feel a lot better. I just feel so panicky sometimes, like I'm just waiting for everything to turn to shit and I'm powerless to stop it. I just… I can't lose you, Phil.”   
Phil leaned in and planted a kiss on Dan's lips. “I know, baby. But you're not going to. We're adults now and once we get everything sorted with the counselors, we won't ever have to feel like we're not in control of our own lives ever again. We're here, we've made it this far, and we never have to go back to how things used to be.” Phil pulled Dan close and held him tight, pressing kisses to his forehead. Dan was reeling at the pet name that Phil had used for him and he was grinning against the fabric of his jumper. They'd never used names like that for each other before and before Dan could stop himself, he actually giggled.   
“What? Why are you laughing?” Phil asked, starting to chuckle himself.  
Dan pulled back and adjusted himself so that he could lay his head on the pillow, his face just inches from Phil's. He was grinning as he said, “You called me 'baby.'”  
Phil blushed, but he was smiling just as wide, his tongue sticking out just a bit. “Did you like it?” he asked, scooting just a tad bit closer to Dan.  
“I loved it,” he whispered as he closed the gap between them and kissed Phil.   
Phil sighed and brought his hand back up to tangle his fingers in Dan's hair and gently rubbed his thumb over the shell of his ear. As they shared soft pecks and chaste kisses, Phil slowly slid his hand down to the back of Dan's neck, causing Dan to whimper and part his lips ever so slightly. He knew that Dan had a sensitive neck and so Phil usually tried to stay clear of it, but not this time. Phil gently caressed the side of Dan's neck with his hand and tentatively slid his tongue along Dan's bottom lip, just to test the waters.   
They had never used tongue in their kisses before, and neither of them were quite sure what the big deal was (“I don't get it, we just lick each other?” “I know, it sounds gross!”) but honestly, Phil would try just about anything with Dan. And somehow, in the heat of the moment, it felt kind of right.  
Dan gasped but opened his mouth a bit more, inviting Phil to do as he pleased. He licked his way into Dan's mouth and after some messy trial and error, they finally got the hang of it. Dan was mewling and whimpering into Phil's mouth, and when they finally broke apart for air, they were surprised to find that their positions had changed. Dan was suddenly straddling Phil, their crotches perfectly aligned and Phil's hands had found their way to the strip of exposed skin where Dan's t-shirt had ridden up.  
“Do you want to stop?” Dan asked, his breathing not quite back to normal yet.  
“No,” Phil said firmly, and pulled Dan back down to kiss him some more.  
They couldn't help it that they just couldn't get enough of each other. Neither one had even been kissed before that night on the Manchester Eye, and since then they hadn't really made any agreement to take it slow. They were more just going with what felt right. They didn't want to rush into anything with their new found freedom, nor did they particularly want to wait until marriage either. They were just happy being together, and up until now that had been fairly innocent.  
Dan hadn't meant to, but he shifted his hips a bit to try and get more comfortable. His movement caused some friction between them and Dan was sure he had died and gone to Heaven. He opened his eyes to see a similarly blissed out look on Phil's face. They stared at each other for a few moments, eyes wide and unsure. Finally, Dan gulped and shifted his hips forward again, causing that same delicious sensation from before. He kept moving, slowly rubbing the most sensitive parts of their bodies together. He couldn't help but wonder how much better it might feel if they didn't have so many layers of clothing between them.  
Phil was panting and groaning beneath him. “Dan... Dan, can I touch you?” Phil asked. His voice was deep and gravely in a way that Dan had never heard from him before, and he frantically nodded his head yes. Phil slowly pushed his hands under Dan's shirt and stroked up his back. Phil's hands were soft and cool, but not cold, and it felt so good to have them on Dan's skin. Dan kept up his movements while Phil kept exploring his upper body, making his way to Dan's chest and down to his tummy. He stopped at the top of Dan's jeans. “Mmm, baby, can I...” he poked one finger into the waistband, “touch you here?” His breathing was still labored and his voice was so husky and sensual.  
Dan whimpered again and stilled his hips. “Yes, Phil,” he said. Phil undid his button and zipper with shaky fingers and looked back up at Dan for one more confirmation before moving further. Phil had his own deep seated issues about virginity and purity and he didn't want to push Dan into doing anything he wasn't sure about. He had come to his own conclusions about things long ago, but he knew Dan was a more emotional person than he was and so he didn't want to damage the progress they had made since coming to uni.  
They locked eyes and Dan smiled down at Phil. “I love you,” he said and leaned down to connect their lips. Phil pushed Dan's jeans down to his thighs and Dan shimmied out of them, none too gracefully. He kicked them to the floor, leaving him in his boxers and t-shirt straddling his boyfriend. It was the most exposed he had ever been in his life. Back home, they weren't even allowed to wear t-shirts, it was just long sleeved button-ups and trousers. He was nervous for only a moment until he saw the way Phil looked at him. He was smiling sweetly up at him, nothing but love and adoration in his expression, and Dan knew that this was definitely right.   
“I love you so much, Dan,” he said, and Dan knew he meant it.   
Phil slid his fingers into the waistband of Dan's boxers and pushed them down just far enough to expose his hard length, but he never looked away from Dan's gaze, watching for any sign of uncertainty. When he found none, he gently wrapped his fingers around Dan's erection and started stroking him slowly. Dan's breath hitched and his jaw dropped a bit at the sensation of having someone touching him there, but he slowly just let himself get lost in how wonderful it felt.   
When Phil's gaze became too intense along with everything else currently going on, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Phil's shoulder. He clamped his mouth shut, suddenly aware of how loud he was tempted to be, and tried to focus on Phil's magical fingers. He had started to gradually speed up his stroking and every now again and when he swiped his thumb over Dan's slit, Dan squeaked and bit his lip. He had never felt this good in his whole life.  
“You don't have to be quiet, baby. It's just us,” Phil said. Dan gulped but didn't make another sound. “Please, I want to hear you,” Phil whispered as he swiped his slit again and smeared the drops of precum around his head with his thumb.   
Dan went wild. He moaned loudly at the new sensation that Phil was providing him. Phil then went back to stroking his length, but now he swiped with his thumb every time, and Dan couldn't have stayed quiet any longer even if he'd wanted to.   
He could feel warmth pooling in his tummy, his whole body filling with electricity, and he knew this wouldn't last much longer. His hips were moving of their own accord, making his bum rub firmly against Phil's crotch, but he simply couldn't register any of this. He was lost in the absolute pleasure Phil was providing.  
“Ph-phil, I'm gonna… it's-” he didn't even know what he was trying to say, but Phil got the message. Phil finally looked down and knew that Dan was about to make a mess. Just as Dan was about to cum, he cupped his other hand and held it out to catch his boyfriend's release. He stroked Dan through it as best he could, but he was distracted by the jerky movements against his own erection. What finally sent him over the edge himself was seeing Dan's eyes rolling back as the last spurts of cum landed on Phil's fingers.  
Dan collapsed mostly on top of Phil, but he honestly didn't mind. Phil would do anything to be even closer to Dan, more connected than they already were. He held Dan close while they caught their breath, just basking in the intimacy of what they'd just done, until Dan leaned up to look at Phil.  
“Your turn?” Dan asked, and Phil was finally able to get a good look at his boyfriend. His hair was a curly mess, his cheeks flushed and eyes bright.   
“Uh, actually...” his cheeks heated up with embarrassment, “I already did,” he rushed to say. Dan looked down to see a damp patch on the front of his jeans and blushed almost as deeply as Phil.  
“Oh.” He looked back at Phil's face, unable to think of anything appropriate to say, and suddenly did a double take to Phil's soiled hand still cupped and holding Dan's cum. “Um...”  
“I didn't know what else to do with it,” he said, and when Dan looked back up at his face they both burst into giggles.  
Dan scooted over and sat next to Phil and tried to control his now hysterical laughter. He knew they were a right mess, he half naked and Phil in soiled pants and holding… that in his hand, which only made him laugh harder.  
“Stop laughing!” Phil protested, but he was still laughing too. Dan took some deep breaths and wiped his eyes with his clean hands.  
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” he chuckled. “Okay, what uh… what do you usually do with it? You know, with yours?” Dan asked. He was comfortable with what they had done, but that didn't mean he liked to actually talk about it or say the names of things. It just felt awkward and kind of dirty, even though he knew it shouldn't be. He knew that, logically, but when something is beaten into your head from a young age, it kind of sticks with you.  
“I mean, I usually don't catch it in my hand, if that's what you're wondering,” Phil giggled again. Dan just nodded in response.  
“What do you do with yours?” Phil asked, realization dawning.  
“Uh, I don't… I've never...” he trailed off, looking down at his hands.  
“You've never touched yourself?” Phil asked, genuinely curious. His own childhood had been nearly as strict as Dan's, so he completely understood the shame and embarrassment of ever being caught doing something like masturbating. But to have never done it, not even once?  
Dan shook his head and didn't look up from his hands.  
“Hey, that's fine. I've only ever done it a few times, myself,” it didn't seem like that made Dan feel any better. “Are you okay with… what we did? Did I make you feel pressured or anything? I'm sorry, Dan. We don't ever have to do it again if you don't want. I never want to make you feel-” Dan looked up then.  
“No! What we did was… it was wonderful. It's not anything like that. It's just… you know what you're doing, and I have no idea. What if I'm terrible?” Dan's eyes were wide and innocent and Phil realized just how self conscious Dan was feeling. He didn't know how his own body worked, much less how to pleasure someone else.  
“Oh, Dan, don't worry about that. You'll be good, I know you will. Because we love each other. And we'll do research so that we will know how to do it and how to be safe, and if one or both of us are terrible, then… we'll practice. A lot,” Phil winked. “No, in all seriousness. I love you, and nothing could ever make me stop, especially something like… lack of practice.” He gave Dan a peck on the lips. “Okay?”  
Dan gave him a timid smile and nodded his head, “Yeah. I love you too. We're gonna be perfect.”  
“I know we are. Now, will you help me find somewhere to dispose of this?” Phil chuckled and held up his soiled hand, making Dan blush and crinkle his face in feign disgust.  
**  
Age 19, only a few months later  
“Is that the last of the boxes?” Dan asked as Phil struggled to carry a large box up the stairs.  
“Yup,” Phil huffed.   
Dan shut the door and walked into the lounge to start sorting and unpacking some of the boxes. It was the end of the semester and Dan and Phil had been lucky enough to find a two-bedroom flat that they could actually afford with their new part time jobs. Everything was working out so well and Dan finally felt as though he could breathe freely for once in his life. Never again would his parents be able to take anything from him, to punish him or shame him for simply being himself. He was finally home.  
They didn't have much furniture in their new flat, and they didn't bother with any of their things back home because once their parents found out they were living together, they would be excommunicated without a doubt. Which was fine. Dan would admittedly miss his mother, and Phil hoped that Martyn might risk a letter or phone call sometimes, but it would be worth it to be happy.   
And boy, were they happy. Dan and Phil savored every moment together, even when they were silently reading on opposite ends of the sofa, or sitting down to pay bills, they were so unbelievably happy. As Phil scrubbed the toilet, he was smiling because it was their toilet; as Dan's eyes stung with tears from chopping onions for stir fry, he was smiling because they were having dinner together. They had a home and a life together, and they were disgusting in their happiness.  
They also became rather dependent on the internet once they were on their own. Phil had stumbled upon a site called Youtube and convinced Dan to make videos with him. He did silly things like make lip sync music videos, or just talked about his day, and before long he had a rather large following. He even got an email from Youtube saying that due to his popularity and some kind of algorithm that he didn't fully understand, he would be getting paid for the videos he was making. Phil hadn't realized that making videos on the internet could be so fun and rewarding, but he was certainly glad that he had stumbled upon it.  
Everything was falling into place. Well, almost everything.  
Dan was terrified to have sex with Phil. He knew that they loved each other and that Phil would never do anything to hurt him, at least not on purpose. The few times that he had vaguely voiced his concerns to Phil, Phil had said he really didn't mind which position Dan wanted, and Dan appreciated that. But Dan had also always imagined that Phil would be the one to make love to him, and while he never really liked to put too much though into that, he knew there were only so many places that Phil's penis could go. So, Dan was scared.   
“Won't it hurt?” Dan's voice was barely audible over the TV. He hadn't been paying attention for quite some time, his mind racing with questions of how would it even fit in there and how is that supposed to feel good.  
“What?” Phil asked. He turned his attention to the distressed boy that was currently resting his head on Phil's chest.  
“You know…” Dan didn't look up at him, but gestured his hands vaguely.  
“Oh. Well, people do it all the time so it can't feel that bad, right?” he asked, trying to think of some way to calm Dan's fears. “Have you just been worrying about that this whole time? You know we don't have to do anything that you don't want to, and if you wanted to, you know, be on top-” Phil wasn't 100% sure how it was supposed to work either, but it couldn't be that bad, right? Dan sat up and cut Phil off.  
“No, I know that. And I really do want to, it's just… what do we even do? I mean, I've thought about it before, about you making love to me, but in my head it's just kind of the… the touching and kissing part, and not so much the real thing. Have you thought about it?” Dan twiddled his thumbs to avoid looking up at Phil.  
“I have, and it's basically the same. You're right, we don't know anything about sex,” he said with a chuckle. He reached over and took Dan's hands in his own and finally Dan met his gaze. “We should do some research.”  
Dan's eyes went comically wide. “What? You don't mean porn, right? Cause that just feels gross. I mean, I know there's nothing really wrong with it, but-”  
“No, no. Not porn,” Phil chuckled again. “I meant like a real sex education class. They probably have them at the health department or something. If I find a class, would you want to go with me?” Phil asked, and Dan relaxed greatly.  
“Yes. That's a really good idea, actually,” Dan sighed and leaned closer to Phil. “You always know what to do.”  
“I try,” Phil grinned and kissed Dan before he stood. “I'll call them now. The sooner the better,” he said with a wink and Dan couldn't help but blush.  
Phil gladly made the phone call and explained why two groan men would need such a class, (“No, Miss, this isn't a prank.”) while Dan allowed himself a few more minutes of mortification. He wanted nothing more than to share something as beautiful as love-making with Phil, but God, this was going to be awkward.  
It turned out that their local health department did host LGBT+ health classes once a month, and a few days later, they walked hand-in-hand into the classroom ready to learn about the birds and the bees (or rather the bees and the bees lol). They were older than everyone in the room, save for the few supportive parents sitting at the back of the room. Dan had so many questions, but he waited and hoped that someone else would ask so he wouldn't have to.   
They learned that even though they were both virgins, they should still use condoms to avoid UTI's as well as for faster cleanup afterwords. Everyone was given plenty of pamphlets and other reading material as well as free condoms, and were encouraged to stay after the class for STD and STI testing. Dan and Phil hung onto every word and even took a few notes, and by the end of the class, though they were blushing furiously, they were really glad that they had come.   
Dan was especially glad that they were able to get such an in depth education, and that they hadn't tried anything more than the occasional hand job before attending the class. He felt confident that they would be safe and have a good time now that they were armed with such knowledge, but he still felt a little apprehensive. He needed time to process what they had learned and to make sure that he was really ready to let Phil have all of him in such a way. Phil sensed this as they looked at the many, many different lubricants that lined the back wall of the pharmacy. He squeezed Dan's hand and assured him that just because they knew what to do now, didn't mean they had to run home and jump straight into bed. Dan relaxed and checked his notes again before selecting a water-based lube that wouldn't harm the condoms that were burning a hole in his pocket.   
**  
Three days later  
Dan had diligently studied his notes and pamphlets. He could almost recite them word for word and now, he finally felt like he was ready. He showered, paying extra attention to his backside, brushed his teeth and waited in the lounge for Phil to come home from work. He was working a short shift at the book store today, so hopefully he wouldn't be too tired for what Dan had planned. Well, sort of planned. He still didn't want to think about it too much because it was still a little intimidating, but he still knew that he was ready. He was 19 years old, he loved Phil with all his heart and knew that Phil felt the same, and he wanted to give Phil the most precious part of him.   
He knew that sex wasn't such a big deal to some other people, and he didn't judge. It's just that that's how he felt about it. This was something that he never wanted to share with anyone else, and he felt that Phil was truly worthy of this. This was a really big deal to Dan, and he knew that Phil understood that and felt the same. Today was a big day and he couldn't wait for Phil to get home.  
Phil arrived and was in a visibly good mood. He brought home another new book and started rambling about something funny his coworker had done and Dan couldn't help staring at him with fondness. This man was everything that he had ever wanted, and he couldn't help but wonder if anything would change after tonight. Would Phil look or act different? Would Dan? Would things be better, worse, or just the same after this? He knew it would never be worse, and that if things did change, they would only get better.   
“Are you okay, Dan?” Phil asked, pulling Dan back to reality.  
“Oh, yeah I'm fine,” Dan said, his voice a bit higher than normal giving him away.  
“What were you thinking about? Something good?” Phil asked.   
Dan blushed. “Just… I'm really happy here, with you. You know that?” He couldn't think of how to say what he wanted to do. He wanted it to flow and just happen, but he had no idea how to make that happen.  
It was Phil's turn to blush and he wrapped his arms around Dan and kissed his forehead. “I'm happy, too,” he sighed and led Dan to the sofa where they snuggled up together.   
Usually, Phil was the big spoon when they snuggled, but this time he laid Dan down on the sofa and laid his head on Dan's shoulder. Dan didn't mind, though he did have to remind himself to stay calm so that Phil wouldn't hear his racing heart. They turned on some cartoons mostly for the background noise and held each other for a while.  
Dan was racking his brain trying to figure out how to make this evening go the way he wanted it to. It wasn't dinner time yet, but if he waited too long they might get hungry in the middle of their activities, and Dan knew that eating beforehand would be a bad idea. Come to think of it, how did people do dinner, movie, then sex? That would just be uncomfortable, and potentially gross! So, he needed to act soon. But what could he say? He couldn't just look Phil in the eye and say it, that would feel awkward. But how else-  
Dan gasped as he felt Phil's soft lips on his neck. He closed his eyes and leaned back, giving Phil access to do as he pleased. This was good, Phil was helping him out without even realizing it. Now when Phil moved this along, he would just let Phil know that he was interested in more than just a hand job.  
Phil sighed and started leaving wet, open mouthed kisses along Dan's neck. He made his way around to the other side, grazing his teeth along Dan's skin in the way that drove Dan crazy, and gently climbed on top of Dan. Dan ran his hands down Phil's sides and groaned when Phil started to suck a hickey just under the collar of his shirt. He loved this, but he wanted so much more.   
Phil felt so good, pressing against him and mouthing along his throat. “I love you,” Phil whispered, and nipped at his ear lobe, sending sparks down Dan's spine. This was it. It was perfect, just like Dan wanted. He wrapped his arms around Phil's body and held him close.  
“I want you,” he whimpered. And Phil stopped.  
He leaned up and looked at Dan. “You want me?” Phil asked, his voice breathy and unsure, something like awe in his eyes and he wondered if he'd heard Dan right.  
“I want you… to make love to me,” Dan said.   
They just looked at each other for a moment. Was this actually happening? Was Dan really sure that this is what he wanted? And why was Phil being so quiet? Did he not want to, after all?  
“Are you sure?” Phil finally asked, a smile pulling at his lips.  
“Yes. I'm ready,” Dan said and he willed his voice not to shake. He was ready, dammit! But that didn't mean he wasn't nervous.  
Phil leaned down and kissed him hard and needy. Dan let Phil press him down into the sofa cushions, reveling in how passionate Phil was being. When Dan started to tug Phil's shirt up, Phil seemed to be pulled back into reality. He slowly pulled away and stood up, holding a hand out to Dan, and led the way to their bedroom.  
Neither of them said anything as Phil shut the door behind them and calmly walked over to the bedside table to retrieve their condoms and lube. He laid them out on one of the pillows and then turned his attention back to Dan. They stood in front of each other for a long moment, unsure how to continue, until Dan slowly lifted his shirt up and over his head, then watched as Phil did the same. As Dan slowly slid down his jeans and boxers, he was hit with another wave of nerves. Phil had never seen him completely naked before. What if he didn't like what he saw? Sure, he had seen Dan's bare chest, his penis, even his bum, but never all at once, not like right now.   
Dan kept his eyes on the floor as he stepped out of his pants, only looking up when he saw that Phil had done the same. He held his hands awkwardly over himself, trying to hide as much of himself as he could, but he dropped his hands to his sides when he saw how Phil was looking at him. His face was filled with wonder, and excitement, and… love. Phil stepped forward and took Dan's hands in his own. “You're so beautiful,” he said, and then he leaned in to kiss Dan so sweetly that his nerves were momentarily forgotten.  
Dan dropped Phil's hands and crawled onto the bed and laid on his back. Phil crawled over him, nudging his way between Dan's legs, until they were face to face again. Dan had to take a deep breath to calm his nerves and remind himself that Phil knew what he was doing. Phil would take care of him, and if anything hurt he could always tell Phil to stop. Phil loved him and this was going to be wonderful.  
Phil brought one hand up to brush Dan's fringe out of his face. “I want you to be comfortable. If you want to stop at any time, just say so. I don't want you to think that I'll be disappointed or anything like that. Okay?” he said and Dan nodded his head and smiled up at Phil. “Okay,” Phil whispered, and then leaned back down to kiss Dan again, just as sweetly as before. Dan hoped that they would be able to kiss during their activities. He wasn't sure how flexible he was, but kissing was one of his favorite things, so he could hope.   
Dan wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, just kissing and gently caressing each others' shoulders, necks, sides, and then suddenly there were long, soft fingers wrapped around Dan's cock. He gasped but let Phil do as he pleased with him, but he didn't let himself get too lost into the feeling as he knew there was so much more coming soon.   
Phil slowly stroked Dan as he leaned up to whisper against his lips. “Are you ready, baby?”  
Dan shivered but said, “Yes, Phil.” And Phil pulled away from him completely to grab the supplies from the pillow beside Dan.  
Phil sat between Dan's legs so that he could have better access. He slipped a condom over two of his fingers and carefully dropped some lube onto them. Suddenly, Dan was nervous all over again.  
“You're just going to sit right there? Looking right at me?” He asked, feeling all too exposed.  
Phil shifted uneasily. “Well, I'll need to see what I'm doing to make sure I do it right. And you have no reason to be self conscious. I love every inch of you,” he said in a voice that was so fond, Dan had no will left in him to argue. He took a deep breath.  
“Okay. Okay, keep going,” he said and closed his eyes.  
Dan tried to just focus on his ragged breathing. He felt like his breaths were too loud, his tight chest causing him to wheeze slightly. Oh God, how stupid he must look and sound. He barely registered Phil's lips caressing his knee, his finger gently prodding at his entrance, and suddenly all he could think about was how quiet the room was, save for the mortifying sounds he was making. What if it made a sound when Phil slipped his fingers into him? The combination of lube, skin, and rubber was bound to make an unflattering noise and Dan simply couldn't live with that.  
“Wait, wait!” Dan's eyes shot open and he stared up at Phil for a moment, just catching his breath.  
“What is it? Did you change your mind?” Phil asked, and there was no judgment in his tone. He looked a bit shocked from Dan's sudden shouting, but mostly he just looked concerned for Dan's well being, which was comforting.  
“No, I just… it's really quiet in here,” Dan told him, his face heating up with embarrassment.  
“Quiet?” Phil was utterly confused by that one.  
“Yeah. Can you, um, turn on the fan?” Dan asked with a nervous chuckle. Phil smiled at him and shook his head, but complied, reaching over to switch on the small fan that they used as white noise to help them sleep. Once it was set to a suitable volume, Phil settled back to his previous position and smiled down at Dan.  
“Are you ready now? Like, really ready?” Phil teased.  
Dan giggled and covered his face with his hands. “Yeah, I think so,” he said and rested his head back against the pillow. He watched as Phil played with the lube and condom covering his fingers to warm it up a bit. “Phil?” Phil looked back at Dan and hummed. “I trust you.”  
Phil blushed and didn't really know how to respond to that. He smiled and ducked his head down to kiss Dan's thigh and slowly circled a finger around Dan's entrance before pushing it in. He heard Dan gasp, but kept kissing his legs and gently moving his finger inside of Dan. He was so tight and neither of them could imagine fitting something larger in there.  
Dan kept breathing deeply, slowly, just staying calm and waiting for it to feel good. It would feel good soon, he was sure. He just had to get stretched and prepared and then Phil could make love to him properly, and there was no way that wouldn't feel good, Dan was sure of that. When Phil slipped in a second finger, it did burn just a tad, but only for a moment. He stayed calm and relaxed, just like the pamphlets had said. He had to be relaxed or else it would definitely hurt.  
The deep breathing must have really been working, because before long Phil was slipping in a third finger and that would did hurt. Dan whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut tight. It will feel good soon, it will feel good soon. Phil stilled his fingers but didn't remove them.  
“Are you okay, Dan?” he asked, his voice full of concern.  
“Um, just don't move yet. It doesn't exactly feel good yet, I don't know why,” Dan rushed to say, not once opening his eyes.  
“Do you want to stop? It's okay if you do,” Phil said. He felt awful. This was supposed to be a beautiful thing, but he wouldn't do it if it didn't feel good for both of them.  
“No, no. Just-” Dan took another deep breath, “I just need to stay relaxed. It will feel good soon. I think you can move now, just go slow.”  
Phil slowly started moving his fingers again, and then suddenly remembered what he had learned from that sex ed class. “I haven't found your prostate yet, baby. Just bare with me until we find it,” he said, and he started curling his fingers just the slightest bit. He didn't want to push too hard, not wanting to hurt Dan at all, but with every slow thrust of his fingers, he curled them a bit more than the last and finally his fingers pushed against something that didn't feel quite the same as everything around it. Dan cried out but it didn't sound like a bad cry, and he jolted straight up and looked at Phil with wide eyes.  
“Was that it?” Phil whispered, and he wiggled his fingers again, leaving Dan unable to answer. His jaw dropped and his eyes fluttered closed and Phil wanted to take a photo of him, he looked so perfect. After just a few more minutes of slowly massaging Dan's prostate, he was a boneless mess clinging to Phil's shoulders for dear life, and Phil stilled his fingers again.  
Dan opened his eyes and slowly moved in to kiss Phil, slow and sweet. When he pulled away, he laid back against the pillows again. “Make love to me now, Phil?” he asked.  
Phil gently pulled his fingers out of Dan, causing him to whimper at how empty he felt. Phil dropped the condom into the bin and then reached for another, carefully opening it and rolling it down onto himself, just as he had learned to do. It looked like it was on right, but it was kind of tight and uncomfortable. Maybe someday, they could do without one, but for now Phil didn't really mind it. It was keeping both of them safe and that's what mattered.  
He dribbled some more lube onto his length and gasped at how cold it was. Dan looked up at him with worried eyes. “It's just a little cold,” he chuckled. He poured some more onto his fingers and waited for it to warm up before smearing it onto Dan's hole, hoping it would be enough to keep it from hurting him. Then he lined himself up.   
He leaned down and kissed Dan once and then asked against his lips, “Ready?”  
“Yeah,” Dan breathed, but then rushed to add, “Just… if anything, you know, gross happens I-” Dan started to say but Phil cut him off with another kiss.  
“Relax. Nothing gross will happen. And if it does, then we'll deal with it later. Okay?” Phil gave him a sweet smile, hoping to calm Dan down even a little bit. He understood why Dan was nervous, and honestly, Phil was a little nervous too. Dan swallowed thickly and then nodded for Phil to go ahead. Phil kissed him again and slowly pushed himself forward.  
Dan was so tight and so warm and it felt like he was just sucking Phil into him. He groaned and buried his face in Dan's neck and just breathed him in. He wasn't all the way in yet, but he felt so amazing already, he wasn't sure how long he would last once he actually got started.  
“Phil,” Dan whimpered. “Hurts.”  
Phil leaned up so that he could see Dan, and his heart broke at the look of pain on his face. He slowly pulled out until his tip was just against Dan's hole. “I'm sorry, baby. We can stop. We can try again some other time, or not at all. It's totally up to you,” Phil rambled. As wonderful as it felt to be inside of Dan, he really wouldn't have been upset if Dan wanted to stop. All he wanted was for Dan to be happy, and if that meant a lifetime of hand jobs and grinding, then so be it.  
“No, I don't want to stop,” he said, his expression still pained. “I want you to make love to me. I'm sorry Phil. I don't know what to do,” he was truly distressed and looked as though he might cry.  
“Okay, okay. Let's try something else, yeah?” Phil tried.   
“What do you mean?” Dan still looked upset, but Phil had paid more attention in that sex ed class than he let on.  
“You can be on top. Come on.” They maneuvered their way around until Phil was lying against the pillows with Dan looking uncertain as he moved to straddle Phil. “Trust me?” Phil asked.  
Dan gulped and nodded his head. Finally, he lifted himself up and took hold of Phil's cock, then slowly lowered himself down onto it. His breathing was labored and it still hurt, but not quite as bad as before, and after a few minutes of stop-and-go, he was fully seated with Phil's cock buried deep inside of him. He stayed still for a few minutes longer, just getting used to the feeling and waiting for the burn to dissipate some.  
“Baby, you're so beautiful. And warm, and tight.” Dan opened his eyes that he hadn't realized he had closed, and took in just how amazing Phil looked under him. He was flushed and sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, and his eyes so full of equal parts lust and love that Dan forgot about the burning in his ass.  
Dan reached for Phil's hands and placed them on his hips where he wanted them, and slowly began to move. Phil's cock was so big that it easily pushed against his prostate with every thrust, making Dan moan and gasp with every move he made. Phil's fingers tightened on Dan's hips and he helped to hold him up as much as he could, and when Dan finally found a rhythm, he experimentally thrust up into Dan.  
Dan was making absolutely whorish moans, and Phil was loving it. He held tight to Dan and reveled in the way their bodies moved perfectly together. Everything about this was perfect, even with the rocky start, and Phil could only imagine that it would get better with time. And they had all the time in the world.  
Before long, their movements became erratic and sloppy. Phil could feel the familiar warmth in his belly, and as if reading Phil's mind, Dan whined, “I'm gonna cum, Phil.” Phil wrapped one arm around Dan's waist, and his other hand around Dan's leaking cock. He stroked Dan fast while he thrust up into him impossibly harder, and withing seconds Dan was coming. He clenched tight around Phil's cock and came hard over Phil's hand and stomach. Phil did his best to work Dan through it but soon enough he was coming as well, gripping Dan's body with his arm and spilling into the condom. It was magical, better than anything he had experienced before and he hoped that Dan felt the same.  
They stayed as they were for a few moments, catching their breath. Dan had closed his eyes again and rested his hands on Phil's chest and Phil could feel himself going soft inside of Dan. He knew they needed to separate and clean up, otherwise Dan would be very sore, but he didn't want to lose this closeness just yet. He watched as Dan caught his breath and calmed down and just basked in the weight of what they had just done.   
They had just made love. Actually, fully had sex together for the first time. Phil felt so… honored. Dan had just given him the most precious part of himself, even though it had hurt him a bit at first, he had aloud Phil to have all of him. He was actually feeling a bit choked up just thinking about it.  
“Dan?” he asked in a raspy voice.   
Dan opened his eyes and blinked a few times before settling on Phil's gaze. “Hmm?”  
“Are you okay?” Phil asked, a bit concerned at the fact that Dan still wasn't moving or really even saying anything. He hoped that he wasn't in too much pain.  
All of Phil's fears were settled when Dan grinned down at him. “That was amazing,” Dan said, and he leaned down to kiss Phil. After just a few pecks, Phil shifted his hips to pull out of Dan gently, and Dan buried his face in Phil's neck. “I love you,” Dan breathed and let himself relax as he cuddled up to Phil.  
“I love you more,” Phil said, only half teasing. He wrapped his arms around Dan and held him close. Everything was so perfect in that moment. Well, almost everything. Phil was still acutely aware of the condom still tight around his flaccid length and the sticky mess that was smearing between both of their abdomens. He hated to break this perfect little bubble they were in, but it was inevitable, until he got an idea. “How about we take a bubble bath?”   
Dan leaned up and it appeared that his grin had never left his face. “Together?” he asked hopefully.  
“Of course, silly. You can pick a bath bomb,” Phil said, and planted a kiss to Dan's nose.  
Even after all that they had just done, that simple act caused a blush to spread over Dan's cheeks.   
After carefully disposing of the condom, Phil helped Dan up. Even as he insisted that he wasn't in that much pain, Phil still helped him hobble to the bathroom. There was a bit of awkward shifting but before long they were settled into a warm bath with Dan between Phil's legs and his head resting on Phil's chest. Phil gently washed Dan's body with a soft cloth, placing soft kisses to the back of his neck as he did. It was perfect. Everything was perfect and an hour later when they settled onto the sofa with take away and a movie, Dan couldn't have been happier than he was with Phil.  
A few days later, Phil uploaded a sponsored video to his channel. He and Dan blushed and giggled as they blew up condoms like balloons and just generally acted like the twelve-year-olds they never got to be as they talked about the importance of safe sex.   
**  
Age 26  
Dan buttoned up his white dress shirt with shaky fingers. Today was to be the biggest day of his life, and boy was he feeling it. He was nervous, but not in a bad way. He didn't have cold feet or anything like that. No, he had been waiting for this day almost his whole life and he was ready for this. It's just that… well, he hoped his parents might show up. But he didn't let his hopes get too high.  
Six years ago when his parents had found out that he and Phil had been living together “in sin,” it hadn't ended well. As expected, they'd said some horrible things to accentuate the point that they no longer wanted any contact with him, as well as cut off any funds towards his education and basic living costs. And even though he had been expecting it, it still hurt, and admittedly it still did.  
Phil's parents had taken it surprisingly well. Yes, they had totally freaked out, but they never once said that they wanted nothing to do with Phil or Dan. After years of near constant reminders that they “didn't approve,” they finally just accepted it and moved on. They understood the fact that they only have one Phil and that since he was an adult and no longer required their assistance, they simply couldn't do anything to try and change who he was and what he chose to do with his life. Dan would never admit it, but he couldn't help but be a tad bit jealous.   
But you can't change the past, and while Dan did have high hopes for the future, his hopes that his future would include his family were relatively low. And besides, after today he and Phil would be their own little family.  
Dan checked the mirror again and turned so that his best friend Louise could give him a once over and help him finish dressing. They had met in university and made fast friends, what with her being nearly as socially awkward as Dan was, as well as being the sweetest person in the universe (second to Phil, of course). After rebuttoning half of Dan's shirt, Louise sent him to one of the large comfy chairs to practice deep breathing until time for the ceremony.  
As he waited, all he could think about was whether the invitation he had sent to his parents had enough details on it. He and Phil had decided on a simple design of silver edging and a flattering photo of the two of them on the front with the details printed on the back in an elegant yet simple font. His parents had never been outside of their small town and he hoped that maybe by now they would have figured out Google Maps or something. And at the very least, he hoped they hadn't thrown it away upon seeing the return address.  
Louise tapped him on the shoulder, bringing him back to reality. “It's time!” she sang.  
Dan stood and absentmindedly straightened his tux. He took a deep breath, smiled and nodded at her. He didn't bother speaking as he feared his voice would shake and give away his nerves.   
He and Louise made their way to the front foyer of the church hand-in-hand. They were silent until they saw Phil and his mother walking from the opposite hallway that lead to Phil's dressing room. He was stunning. They wore matching black tuxes with silver accents, Phil's hair was freshly dyed black and straightened to perfection, while Dan's was lightly sprayed to tame his brown curls. Dan stopped walking and covered his face with his hands and didn't try to hold in his tears any longer. This was it. He was finally going to marry the man of his dreams and it was as perfect as it could possibly be.  
He felt Phil's arms wrap around him and he buried his face into his neck and just let it out. He was so happy, so nervous, so completely in love and he had been holding it all in for weeks now as they made all the last minute plans for their fairytale wedding and he just couldn't hold it in anymore. Phil's gentle hands roamed his back as he tried to calm his groom down.  
“It's alright, love. We've made it,” Phil whispered to him. He pulled back and gave Dan a gentle smile. “Hey, look at me. It's just you and me now. After this, it's you and me, forever. Are you ready?”  
Dan took a hanky that Louise held out to him and wiped his face, and now that the surge of emotions had been let out, he couldn't stop grinning. He stuffed the hanky up his sleeve, knowing that he would need it again once they got to the end of that isle, and looked up at his husband-to-be. “I'm ready. I'm so ready.” He gave Phil one last squeeze and then fanned his face with his hands. “Well, I'll be ready in just a minute. I don't want to have a red face in all of the wedding photos,” he chuckled.  
Louise and Phil's mother took their places in front of the double doors, ready to lead the way once the grooms were ready. Louise was set to walk with her boyfriend Liam, and Phil's parents were next, then Dan and Phil would walk down together.   
Dan had hoped that his own parents might be in their procession, but it didn't seem likely as the minutes ticked by and there was still no sign of them.  
When the church bells chimed 2 o'clock, they all stood and prepared themselves for the music to start. Martyn opened the double doors and ushered them into the sanctuary. All of their friends and Phil's family were there and the two couples began their slow journey down the isle accompanied by Mary Me by Train playing softly over the speakers. Dan hooked his arm with Phil's and they looked back at each other and grinned one last time before stepping forward as the wedding march began to play. Everyone stood and watched them, the photographer kneeling and standing and sidestepping all around to get the perfect shot. And that's when Dan saw her.  
Molly Howell was standing at the end of a row, looking almost the same as he'd last seen her only thinner and with a few more gray hairs. She was beautiful, and she was smiling at them. She looked apprehensive, which was to be expected seeing as she hadn't seen or spoken to her son in six years, much less tried to accept his relationship. But she was here, and she looked happy, which had to count for something.   
Dan hadn't realized he had stopped walking until Phil tugged lightly on his arm. Everyone was staring at him even more intently than before and he wasn't sure what he should do. His mother was here! Shouldn't she be in his wedding? He kept looking between Phil and his mother, unsure of what to do. He hated to cause a scene and ruin the wedding. Oh who cares, it's his wedding, dammit!  
He reached for her hand and she tentatively stepped out to take it. There were tears in her eyes and she looked like she had a million things to say to him. If he was honest, he had a few things to say as well, not to mention a few questions. First of all, where was his father? And, now that she was standing just in front of him, why did she look so worn down? It had only been six years, but she looked frail and tiny. Not the strong woman that he remembered her to be. He settled for wrapping her in a tight hug (the first in six years!) and shushing her softly when her tears began to fall with whispered I'm sorry's. The apologies could wait, right now he just needed to get down there and get married.  
Dan pulled away from his mother and took Phil's arm again and held his other arm out for Molly. The three of them walked down the isle together and there was not a dry eye in the place from that point on. Louise and Mrs. Lester stepped aside to make room for Molly to stand and it didn't even matter that her dress didn't match the color scheme, or that she didn't have a partner to stand opposite her behind Phil. It didn't matter that Dan had to stop and blow his nose on the hanky in his sleeve or that his vows her mostly just sobs, it didn't even matter that his face was red in the photos. All that mattered was that he had his family. And everything was perfect.


End file.
